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Friends Season 1 Episode 1
General Information Subtitles 1 00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:05,059 The One Where It All Began (Pilot) 2 00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:59,256 There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with. 3 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:01,586 You're going out with the guy. 4 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,389 There has to be something wrong with him. 5 00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,656 All right, Joey. Be nice. 6 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,358 So does he have a hump and a hairpiece? 7 00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:13,605 Wait, does he eat chalk? 8 00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:17,072 I don't want her to go through what I did with Carl. 9 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:21,339 Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. 10 00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:25,883 It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex. 11 00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:29,213 Sounds like a date to me. 12 00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:33,491 I'm in high school, in the cafeteria.. 13 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,891 and I realize I'm totally naked. 14 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,758 I've had that dream. 15 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,757 Then I look down and I realize there is a phone.. 16 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,197 there. 17 00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:49,704 - Instead of - That's right! 18 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,441 Never had that one. 19 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:56,207 All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. 20 00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:59,408 What do I do? Everyone starts looking at me. 21 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,179 They weren't looking at you before? 22 00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:06,922 Finally, I figure I'd better answer it. 23 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,927 And it turns out it's my mother. 24 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:15,090 Which is very, very weird because she never calls me. 25 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,604 Hi. 26 00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:27,472 He says, "Hello," I want to kill myself. 27 00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:29,639 You okay? 28 00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:35,214 I feel like someone pulled my intestine out of my mouth.. 29 00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:39,858 - and tied it around my neck. - Cookie? 30 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,954 Carol moved her stuff out today. 31 00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:46,394 - Let me get you some coffee. - Thanks. 32 00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:54,866 No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura. 33 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:59,704 - Just leave my aura alone, okay? - Fine, be murky. 34 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:03,674 - I'll be fine. I hope she'll be happy. - No, you don't. 35 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:07,284 No, I don't. To hell with her. She left me! 36 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:10,251 You never knew she was a lesbian? 37 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,584 No! Okay? 38 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,797 Why does everyone keep fixating on that? 39 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:23,893 She didn't know. How should I know? 40 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:28,897 Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. 41 00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,670 Did I say that out loud? 42 00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:37,747 I told Mom and Dad last night. They took it pretty well. 43 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:38,940 Oh, really? 44 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:42,781 So that hysterical phone call from a woman sobbing.. 45 00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:47,619 "I'll never have grandchildren," was what? A wrong number? 46 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:48,849 Sorry. 47 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,862 Look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now. 48 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,694 You're angry. You're hurting. 49 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,132 Can I tell you what the answer is? 50 00:03:58,304 --> 00:03:59,601 Strip joints! 51 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,141 Hey, you're single. Have some hormones. 52 00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,541 But I don't want to be single, okay? 53 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:11,274 I just want to be married again. 54 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:19,084 And I just want a million dollars! 55 00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:26,426 - Rachel? - Oh, Monica! Thank God! 56 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,664 I went to your building.. 57 00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:32,601 and a guy with a hammer said you'd be here, and you are. 58 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,674 - Can I get you some coffee? - Decaf. 59 00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:40,744 Everybody, this is Rachel, a Lincoln High survivor. 60 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,541 This is everybody. Chandler and Phoebe.. 61 00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:45,911 Joey. Remember my brother, Ross? 62 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,313 Sure! 63 00:04:57,230 --> 00:05:01,894 You want to tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids? 64 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:07,903 Well, it started about a half-hour before the wedding. 65 00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:10,769 I was in the room with all the presents.. 66 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:16,677 and I was looking at this really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat. 67 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:18,510 When all of a sudden 68 00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:19,912 Sweet 'N Low? 69 00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:26,190 I realized I was more turned on by this gravy boat than Barry. 70 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:29,259 I got freaked out, and it hit me: 71 00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:32,260 How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. 72 00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:36,368 I always knew he looked familiar, but.. 73 00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:42,139 I had to get out of there, and I started wondering.. 74 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:46,005 "Why am I doing this," and "Who am I doing it for?" 75 00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:50,114 I didn't know where to go, and I know we've drifted apart.. 76 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:53,616 but you're the only person I know here. 77 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:59,156 - Who wasn't invited to the wedding. - I hoped that wouldn't be an issue. 78 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:20,544 I guess he bought her the pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it. 79 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,774 "Tuna or egg salad! Decide!" 80 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:30,017 "I'll have whatever Christina's having." 81 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,522 Daddy, I just I can't marry him. 82 00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:38,929 I'm sorry. I just don't love him. 83 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:43,159 Well, it matters to me! 84 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:50,300 "If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off." 85 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:54,802 She should not be wearing those pants. 86 00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:56,675 Push her down the stairs! 87 00:06:57,183 --> 00:07:00,050 Push her! Push her down the stairs! 88 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,951 Come on, Daddy, listen! 89 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,792 All my life, everyone's always told me, "You're a shoe!" 90 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,432 "You're a shoe!" 91 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,626 What if I don't want to be a shoe? 92 00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:20,896 What if I want to be a purse? 93 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,735 Or a hat? 94 00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:26,476 No, I don't want you to buy me a hat! 95 00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:29,977 It's a metaphor, Daddy! 96 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:34,074 You can see where he'd have trouble. 97 00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:37,719 Look, Daddy, it's my life. 98 00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:42,653 Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica. 99 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:48,097 I guess we've established she's staying with Monica. 100 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:51,899 Well, maybe that's my decision. 101 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,299 Maybe I don't need your money. 102 00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:57,707 Wait! I said maybe! 103 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,784 Just breathe. That's it. 104 00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:10,445 Try to think of nice, calm things. 105 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:14,248 Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens 106 00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:18,858 Doorbells and sleigh bells And something with mittens 107 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:23,396 La la la something And noodles with string 108 00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:25,665 I'm all better now. 109 00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:30,100 I helped. 110 00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,710 This is probably for the best. 111 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:39,144 Independence. Controlling your life. The whole hat thing. 112 00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:43,448 You can always come to Joey. 113 00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:47,251 Me and Chandler live across the hall. He's away a lot. 114 00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:51,723 Stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day. 115 00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:55,261 Like there's a rule, or something? 116 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,702 I got it. 117 00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:03,431 Please don't do that again. It's a horrible sound. 118 00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:05,267 It's Paul. 119 00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,936 Oh, God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in. 120 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,583 - Who's Paul? - Paul, the wine guy? 121 00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:12,773 Maybe. 122 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:16,285 Your "not a real date" is with Paul, the wine guy? 123 00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:18,946 - He finally asked you out? - Yes! 124 00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:21,626 It's a "Dear Diary" moment. 125 00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:25,263 - Rach, I can cancel. - Please, go, I'll be fine. 126 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:30,067 Ross, are you okay? Do you want me to stay? 127 00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:32,965 That'd be good. 128 00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:38,199 - Really?- Go on! It's Paul, the wine guy! 129 00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:41,008 Does he sell it, drink it? 130 00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:43,977 Or he just complains a lot? 131 00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:46,515 Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. 132 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,245 everybody. Everybody, this is Paul. 133 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:55,792 - The wine guy. - I didn't catch your name. Paul? 134 00:09:57,496 --> 00:10:00,624 I'll be right back. I've just gotta go 135 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:03,199 A-wandering? 136 00:10:03,402 --> 00:10:04,733 Change. 137 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,371 Sit down. Two seconds. 138 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:15,577 I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good. 139 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,752 Hey, Paul, here's a tip. 140 00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:26,517 She really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot.. 141 00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:29,559 until it starts to get red. 142 00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:33,095 Shut up, Joey! 143 00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:35,726 What are you up to tonight? 144 00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:40,233 I was supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon.. 145 00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:42,838 so, nothing. 146 00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:47,270 Right. You're not even getting your honeymoon. 147 00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,415 Although, Aruba. This time of year? 148 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,948 Talk about your.. 149 00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,584 big lizards. 150 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,955 If you don't want to be alone tonight.. 151 00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:05,689 Joey and Chandler are helping me with my furniture. 152 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:08,298 We're very excited about it. 153 00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:11,731 Thanks. But I'm just going to hang out here. 154 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:13,996 - It's been a long day. - Oh, sure. 155 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,568 Phoebe, wanna help? 156 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:19,705 I wish I could, but I don't want to. 157 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:33,681 Love is sweet as summer showers Love is a wondrous work of art 158 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:39,657 But your love Oh, your love, your love 159 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:44,268 Is like a giant pigeon 160 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:48,133 Crapping on my heart 161 00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:52,509 Thank you. 162 00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:05,317 I'm supposed to attach a bracket-y thing to the side things.. 163 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:08,322 using a bunch of these little worm guys. 164 00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:14,324 I have no bracket-y thing. I see no worm guys whatsoever.. 165 00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:17,331 and I cannot feel my legs. 166 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,537 - We got a bookcase. - It's beautiful. 167 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,442 What's this? 168 00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:31,675 I would have to say that is an L-shaped bracket. 169 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:36,147 - Which goes where? - I have no idea. 170 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:41,321 - Done with the bookcase. - All finished. 171 00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:47,691 This was Carol's favorite beer. 172 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:52,536 She always drank it out of the can. I should have known. 173 00:12:55,975 --> 00:13:01,174 - Start with that, we're out of here. - Please don't spoil all this fun. 174 00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:02,779 Let me ask you. 175 00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:07,316 She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV. 176 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,351 What did you get? 177 00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:12,649 - You guys. - You got screwed. 178 00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:17,421 - Oh, my God. - I know. I'm such an idiot. 179 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:22,192 I should've known when she went to the dentist five times a week. 180 00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:24,733 I mean, how clean can teeth get? 181 00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:27,269 My brother's going through that. 182 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,997 How did you get over it? 183 00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:32,733 He might accidentally break something valuable of hers. 184 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,539 - Say her - Leg? 185 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:38,649 That's one way of doing it. I went for the watch. 186 00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,810 You actually broke her watch? 187 00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:46,253 The worst I ever did was shred my old boyfriend's favorite towel. 188 00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:50,019 - Steer clear of you. - That's right. 189 00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:53,598 Barry, I'm sorry. I am so sorry. 190 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:59,236 You probably think it's about making love with your socks on, but it isn't. 191 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:02,236 It's about me. And I just 192 00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,807 The machine cut me off again. Anyway.. 193 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:21,649 I know that some lucky girl is going to become Mrs. Barry Finkel. 194 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:25,592 But it isn't me. It's not me. 195 00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:30,235 Not that I have any idea who "me" is right now, but you just 196 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,263 I'm divorced. 197 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:40,605 - I'm only 26, and I'm divorced! - Shut up! 198 00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:47,617 That only took me an hour. 199 00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:54,856 We haven't had a relationship that's lasted longer than a Mento. 200 00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:59,962 You have had the love of a woman for four years. 201 00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:05,467 Four years of closeness and sharing, after which she ripped your heart out. 202 00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:08,663 That is why we don't do it! 203 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,011 I don't think that was my point! 204 00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:17,342 Know what's scary? What if there's only one woman for everybody? 205 00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:20,677 I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it? 206 00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:25,823 Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one woman for her. 207 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:31,092 What are you talking about? One woman. 208 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,291 That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream. 209 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:39,631 Let me tell you something. There's lots of flavors out there. 210 00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:43,901 Rocky road and cookie dough and bing cherry vanilla. 211 00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:49,043 You can get them with jimmies or nuts or whipped cream. 212 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:52,075 It's the best thing to happen to you! 213 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:56,118 You got married. You were like, what, 8? 214 00:15:57,022 --> 00:16:00,924 Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon! 215 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:05,492 - I don't know if I'm hungry or horny. - Then stay out of my freezer. 216 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,796 Ever since she walked out on me.. 217 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,239 What? 218 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,875 You wanna spell it out with noodles? 219 00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:22,810 It's more of a fifth date kind of revelation. 220 00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:27,509 So there's going to be a fifth date? 221 00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:29,313 Isn't there? 222 00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:31,751 Yeah, yeah. I think there is. 223 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:36,724 What were you going to say? 224 00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:43,395 Ever since she left me.. 225 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,367 I haven't been able to perform.. 226 00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:48,903 sexually. 227 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:54,111 Oh, God! I'm so sorry. 228 00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:58,716 Being spit on is probably not what you need right now. 229 00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:01,719 How long? 230 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,014 - Two years. - Wow. 231 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:09,092 I'm glad you smashed her watch. 232 00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:14,989 So you still think you might want that fifth date? 233 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:20,734 Yeah. Yeah, I do. 234 00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:26,108 We are gathered here to join Joanie Louise Cunningham.. 235 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:31,647 and Charles. Chachi, Chachi, Chachi.. 236 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:36,480 in the bonds of holy matrimony. 237 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,780 See! 238 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:43,986 But Joanie loved Chachi. That's the difference. 239 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:46,694 "Grab a spoon." 240 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:50,232 Do you know how long it's been since I grabbed a spoon? 241 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:54,938 Do the words, "Billy, don't be a hero," mean anything to you? 242 00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:01,638 Great story. But I gotta go. 243 00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:06,682 I got a date with Andrea. Angela. No, Andrea. 244 00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:10,286 Andrea's the screamer. Angela has cats. 245 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:15,120 Right, thanks. It's Julie. I'm out of here. 246 00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:20,995 Here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough.. 247 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,827 to ask a woman out.. 248 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,697 who am I going to ask? 249 00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:53,624 Isn't this amazing? I've never made coffee in my life. 250 00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:56,331 - That is amazing. - Congratulations. 251 00:18:56,702 --> 00:19:00,433 If I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do. 252 00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:06,170 I think it's, "If I can invade Poland, there's nothing I can't do." 253 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:11,009 While you're on a roll, if you feel like you have to make a Western omelet or something.. 254 00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:17,410 Although, actually I'm really not that hungry. 255 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:22,060 Oh, good. Lenny and Squiggy are here. 256 00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:24,620 - Good morning. - Good morning. 257 00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:28,498 - Morning. - Morning, Paul. 258 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,667 - Hello, Paul. - Hi. Paul, is it? 259 00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:41,679 - Thank you so much. - Stop. 260 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:46,375 Last night was like all my birthdays, both graduations.. 261 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:49,110 plus the barn-raising scene in Witness. 262 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,426 We'll talk later. 263 00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:03,428 Thank you. 264 00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:13,808 That wasn't a real date. 265 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:17,243 What the hell do you do on a real date? 266 00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:21,275 Shut up and put my table back. 267 00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:23,854 I've got to get to work. 268 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:29,551 If I don't input those numbers, it doesn't make much of a difference. 269 00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:35,192 So, like, you guys all have jobs? 270 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:40,997 Yeah, we all have jobs. That's how we buy stuff. 271 00:20:43,141 --> 00:20:47,271 - Yeah, I'm an actor. - Have I seen you in anything? 272 00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:49,812 I doubt it. Mostly regional work. 273 00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:53,473 Unless you saw the Wee One's production of Pinocchio.. 274 00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:56,483 at the little theater in the park? 275 00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:58,219 It was a job! 276 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,218 "Look, Geppetto. I'm a real live boy." 277 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:07,762 - I will not take this abuse. - You're right, I'm sorry. 278 00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:10,695 Once I was a wooden boy A little wooden boy 279 00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:17,336 You should both know that he's a dead man. 280 00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:19,477 Oh, Chandler! 281 00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:24,211 How are you doing today? Sleep okay? 282 00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:28,318 Did you talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling. 283 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:33,048 I see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth. 284 00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:40,857 I know. He's just so.. 285 00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:44,096 - Remember you and Tony Demarco? - Oh, yeah. 286 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:48,034 Well, it's like that. With feelings. 287 00:21:48,907 --> 00:21:51,876 - Wow, are you in trouble! - Big time! 288 00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:55,642 Want a wedding dress? Hardly used. 289 00:21:55,847 --> 00:21:59,408 I think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves. 290 00:21:59,618 --> 00:22:04,248 I'm going to get up, go to work, and not think about him all day. 291 00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:08,091 Or else I'm going to get up and go to work. 292 00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:09,954 - Wish me luck! - What for? 293 00:22:10,128 --> 00:22:14,531 I'm gonna go get one of those job things. 294 00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:27,144 - Hi, Monica. - Franny, welcome back. 295 00:22:27,379 --> 00:22:30,542 - How was Florida? - You had sex, didn't you? 296 00:22:32,584 --> 00:22:34,814 - How do you do that? - I hate you. 297 00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:39,013 I'm pushing my aunt through Parrot Jungle, you're having sex. 298 00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:42,354 So, who? 299 00:22:42,728 --> 00:22:44,218 You know Paul? 300 00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:47,863 Paul, the wine guy? Yeah, I know Paul. 301 00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:52,927 You mean, you know Paul like I know Paul? 302 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,198 What? I take credit for Paul. 303 00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:59,707 Before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years. 304 00:23:02,981 --> 00:23:05,541 Of course it was a line. 305 00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:08,614 Why would anybody do something like that? 306 00:23:08,787 --> 00:23:12,052 I assume we want an answer more sophisticated than: 307 00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:15,159 "To get you into bed." 308 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:17,692 I hate men. 309 00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:21,993 Don't hate. You don't want to put that out into the universe. 310 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:23,631 Is it me? 311 00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:27,531 Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs.. 312 00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:30,402 and men with emotional problems can hear? 313 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:33,874 Come here. Give me your feet. 314 00:23:40,118 --> 00:23:43,110 I just thought he was nice, you know? 315 00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:50,419 I can't believe you didn't know it was a line. 316 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,697 - Guess what? - You got a job? 317 00:23:55,867 --> 00:24:00,167 Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing. 318 00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:04,398 - I was laughed out of 12 interviews. - You're surprisingly upbeat. 319 00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:07,841 You'd be too, if you found these boots on sale.. 320 00:24:08,046 --> 00:24:10,037 50% off. 321 00:24:10,215 --> 00:24:13,275 How well you know me. 322 00:24:14,419 --> 00:24:16,944 They're my "I don't need a job.. 323 00:24:17,155 --> 00:24:19,214 I've got great boots" boots. 324 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,820 - How did you pay? - Credit card. 325 00:24:23,361 --> 00:24:26,023 And who pays for that? 326 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:29,028 My father. 327 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:35,330 Is this really necessary? I can stop charging any time. 328 00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,770 You can't live off your parents. 329 00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:41,707 I know that. That's why I was getting married. 330 00:24:42,380 --> 00:24:45,508 Give her a break. It's hard being on your own. 331 00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:46,739 Thank you. 332 00:24:46,918 --> 00:24:50,445 I remember when I first came to this city, I was 14. 333 00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:53,522 Mom had killed herself, stepdad was in jail. 334 00:24:53,725 --> 00:24:55,750 I didn't know anybody here. 335 00:24:55,961 --> 00:25:00,557 I ended up living with this albino guy who was cleaning windshields. 336 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:02,562 And then he killed himself. 337 00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:07,431 Then I found aromatherapy. So I know exactly how you feel. 338 00:25:10,742 --> 00:25:13,336 The word you're looking for is: 339 00:25:14,012 --> 00:25:16,446 "Anyway.." 340 00:25:20,452 --> 00:25:24,218 - You ready? - No, how can I be ready? 341 00:25:24,389 --> 00:25:27,290 "Ready to jump out of the plane with no parachute?" 342 00:25:27,459 --> 00:25:29,689 - I can't do this. - I know you can. 343 00:25:29,895 --> 00:25:32,989 - No. - You made coffee, you can do anything. 344 00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:38,502 Cut. Cut. Cut. 345 00:25:43,608 --> 00:25:47,169 You know what? I think we can leave it at that. 346 00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:51,440 - Kind of a symbolic gesture. - Rachel, that was a library card. 347 00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:02,992 If you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream. 348 00:26:06,197 --> 00:26:07,858 Welcome to the real world! 349 00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:11,297 It sucks. You're gonna love it. 350 00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:22,270 That's it. Are you going to crash on the couch? 351 00:26:22,447 --> 00:26:26,611 - No, I gotta go home sometime. - Are you gonna be okay? 352 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:31,753 Look what I just found on the floor. 353 00:26:32,657 --> 00:26:34,181 What? 354 00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:38,123 That's Paul's watch. Just put it back where you found it. 355 00:26:39,798 --> 00:26:41,959 Oh, boy! All right. 356 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,733 - Good night, everybody. - Good night. 357 00:26:55,780 --> 00:27:00,683 - I'm sorry. Have it, I don't want it. - Split it? 358 00:27:04,923 --> 00:27:08,381 You probably didn't know this, but in high school.. 359 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,251 I had a major crush on you. 360 00:27:12,564 --> 00:27:13,929 I knew. 361 00:27:14,099 --> 00:27:17,159 You did? 362 00:27:17,435 --> 00:27:20,962 I figured you thought I was Monica's geeky brother. 363 00:27:21,172 --> 00:27:23,231 I did. 364 00:27:27,879 --> 00:27:29,471 Listen, do you think..? 365 00:27:29,681 --> 00:27:34,675 Try not to let my vulnerability become a factor here. 366 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:39,450 Do you think it would be okay if I asked you out sometime? 367 00:27:40,358 --> 00:27:42,519 Yeah. 368 00:27:42,727 --> 00:27:44,058 Maybe. 369 00:27:44,963 --> 00:27:48,262 Okay. 370 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,604 Okay, maybe I will. 371 00:27:57,942 --> 00:28:01,343 - Good night. - Good night. 372 00:28:14,426 --> 00:28:16,656 See you. 373 00:28:17,962 --> 00:28:20,453 Wait, wait. What's with you? 374 00:28:23,068 --> 00:28:27,368 I just grabbed a spoon. 375 00:28:33,478 --> 00:28:37,642 - I can't believe what I'm hearing. - Can't believe what I'm hearing 376 00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:40,046 - What? I said - What? I said 377 00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:43,577 - Would you stop? - Was I doing it again? 378 00:28:43,755 --> 00:28:46,053 Yes! 379 00:28:46,357 --> 00:28:50,794 I said you had a nice butt. It's just not a great butt. 380 00:28:50,962 --> 00:28:55,194 - You won't know a butt if it bit you. - There's an image. 381 00:28:57,669 --> 00:29:00,934 Would anybody like more coffee? 382 00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:04,136 You made it, or you're serving it? 383 00:29:04,342 --> 00:29:07,937 - I'm just serving it. - I'll have a cup of coffee. 384 00:29:08,146 --> 00:29:09,613 Kids, new dream. 385 00:29:09,781 --> 00:29:11,043 I'm in Las Vegas. 386 00:29:11,216 --> 00:29:13,844 Miss, more coffee? 387 00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:17,983 Could you give this to that guy over there? 388 00:29:18,556 --> 00:29:21,320 Go ahead. Thank you. 389 00:29:21,526 --> 00:29:24,256 Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas. 390 00:29:24,462 --> 00:29:26,555 I'm in Las Vegas. 391 00:29:27,465 --> 00:29:29,831 I'm Liza Minnelli.. =